Show Me Love.

Dear Eden,

Love,
Eden

Love me tender.

I took voice lessons this spring. Then my teacher moved to Hawaii.

Jesus, the very thought of thee.

Jesus, the very thought of thee 

With sweetness fills my breast;
But sweeter far thy face to see
And in thy presence rest.

Nor voice can sing, nor heart can frame,
Nor can the mem'ry find
A sweeter sound than thy blest name,
O Savior of mankind!

O hope of ev'ry contrite heart,
O joy of all the meek,
To those who fall, how kind thou art!
How good to those who seek!

Jesus, our only joy be thou,
As thou our prize wilt be;
Jesus, be thou our glory now,
And thru eternity.

Performed October 2013 at the Provo YSA 7th Stake Conference by Camille McAlmont, Nicolle Okoren, and Eden Wen, accompanied by Ammon Chung on the viola. Filmed very sneakily by Derik Flanary.

Snapchat Stories—Season 1.

My friends are great. They support/tolerate my bizarre ideas, even when it puts them in interesting situations.

This is one of those situations, starring the stunning Camille. (She doesn't even get a last name—she's just that amazing. The Camille.)

If you were my Snapchat friend from, like, the beginning of last summer till about Halloween time, you've seen these. Feel free to relive them, if you so wish.

To those who haven't seen them, episode 3 got the most, um, disturbed responses out of season (aptly named "Murder"). Consider this your only warning.

Guys, I'm twisted...

Hi, I made a playlist for you.

Panda Bear. (Aside (already?): For some reason, I so badly want to compare him to Sin Fang. They're similar, but very different in other ways. I don't know. I feel like I'm setting myself up to talk more about this, but I really haven't put more thought into it beyond that.) In my opinion, Panda Bear translates better recorded, but when I experienced Sin Fang in Iceland (hey, I should write about Iceland on this here blog), I was mesmerized by everything that was happening on stage and in my ears.

"Boys Latin" has the same effect on me. The music video, while bizarre and frightening at first, is incredibly beautiful. I have to admit, it brought me to tears.

Life is full of hard things, but as human beings learning to connect in an increasingly disconnected world, part of overcoming the murky times is helping people currently in the same situation you were in. Sometimes that means helping them to accept their circumstances, just as you have.

Plug for Panda Bear's Panda Bear Meets The Grim Reaper.

Moving on to the actual topic of this post.

This.

mhmm.

i've nothing to say.

I Wanna Get Better.

I didn't know I was lonely till I saw your face.
I didn't know I was broken till I wanted to change.

I wanna get better.

Time to run.

I had this whole thing written about how this was the year I was going to hit the ground running and how I was going to figure out my life and everything. I quickly erased it because, let's be honest, I have no idea what I am doing.

I hope I can figure things out soon.

It's December.

It's December.

Thank goodness.

This was perhaps one of the busiest semesters in my entire college career thus far. And to be honest, I've burnt out. Perhaps going to school spring and summer was not a good idea because everything has been rather bland to me. School, work, people, music--they all were routine. And it wasn't until these last couple weeks of this semester that I started feeling like myself again.

We were planning on going to Colorado two weekends ago to see Trevor Hall and Nahko and Medicine for the People and I thought that that would lift my mood. But the snow put an end to our plan very quick, and I was a bit bummed, but somewhat relieved because I had too much to do.

That same Saturday we were going to see Trevor and Nahko, I went to see Isaac Russell at the Velour. I think he is a brilliant artist and although it wasn't the best concert I've been too, "Heaven" had me feeling again. That, and Isaac's guitarist who looks like a bearded Ben Wyatt/Adam Scott. And I love Ben.

(This was from the same concert I attended. Thank you to n8hankins for recording this.)

Last weeks of summer.

As the summer is coming to a close, I've been more and more exhausted. So this post will be more photo-heavy than usual for my blog. In fact, more peculiar for my blog.

Anyway it's been a while since I've posted. Over a month, to be, um, exact...ish.

In that time, I've traveled to San Francisco and got lost in a sea of Asian tourists.

Crooked/Lombard Street.

And Sacramento, which was way boring. With the exception of this Nile River-esque, pyramid scene.

I was stranded in Elko, Nevada due to a flat tire on a Sunday.

Photo cred: Michelle

I finished the summer term.

[Insert photo here.]

Right now.

Right now, I am sitting in the House of Representatives Chamber in Salt Lake City. The special session of the legislature was supposed to start at noon thirty, but apparently that was just a suggested time. It's a whole fracken hour later. I may seem calm and cool and collected, but this is how I really feel.

It's a shame these cushiony chairs are bolted to the floor.

Anyway, I charged my laptop, but there's always a fear that I'll run out of battery. Also, I fear that my car won't be where it I parked it. But that's always a weird fear of mine.

The major press is sitting to my left and across the way from me. And I'm sitting in these cushiony seats just waiting. And blogging. And waiting. With my press pass.

I'm trying out different smiles. Do you like this one?

And I'm nervous. I've never really gotten into politics, so I'm not sure if I can cover this effectively. We'll see. My editor's got my back.

The important people are slowly coming in. Slowly. C'mon people, I have class to attend later tonight. And laser tagging. If you have a Pass of All Passes, feel free to join. Even if you don't, come play.

Here's a song.

I'm learning to play this. And Tyler and I will perform it. For ourselves, mainly. 

Okay, I gotta go now. Gotta preserve my battery. It may be another hour before it actually begins.

Also, I realize that I might have gotten your hopes up about how cool this post actually was with my teaser line on Facebook and Twitter, so I apologize. I was just bored and wanted to write something. So here it is.

Okay, gotta go.

Update 7/18/2013: My article on the special session.

Happy Weekend.

Finally. The weekend is here. After my sick (pertaining to health) first half of the week to my sick (pertaining to awesomeness) jackpot of sources for my next article for The Universe, I'm exhausted.

But in the midst of it all, I have successfully executed an elevator pitch to the woman who could land me my dream job, won one of the biggest prizes in a raffle during a dinner with famous Utah bloggers, AND managed to stay awake in class. All while I felt like I could have thrown up at any second. (TMI? Sorry.)

Just some of the things I won. Courtesy of Breck's Vintage. Looks like there's a road trip or picnic on the horizon.

I've also made a goal with Ariel to make it to Seven Peaks at least once a week starting now through the rest of summer.

Why?

Because it's summer. Also, because I have ombre tan lines on my arms and legs. (Is that how you would describe those?) I need to even this out.

Feel free to join us.

Here's a summery, weekendy kind of song for you.

Have a good one, my friends.

Conversations with strangers.

Over the last year, I have been stopped multiple times on campus by random people as I am walking. Everytime, without fail, these bold people ask, "Where do you come from?" Honestly? I'm rushing to class. This isn't the time nor place to be asking me about my ethnicity. Years of answering this question has allowed me to quickly, and clearly, state. "Imfromconnecticut, myfamilysfromhongkong."

"Oh, I just got back from a trip/mission to China/Korea/Japan," is usually their reply.

Blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I like talking about my heritage, but in a three minute conversation while I am trying not to be trampled by students, nothing profound can come from it.

The weirdest experience was when I was speed walking--because running makes you look like a fool--to work at the SWKT when I hear steps behind me quicken, each step sounding closer and closer. Suddenly, out of my peripheral, I noticed this guy matching my pace and stride. As I sped up, he sped up with me. I slowed down, he did the same. I finally looked at him and acknowledged him. I heard him ask, "Are you from Chinese?" and thinking he meant Chinese class, I said yes.

In retrospect, I think he either asked, "Are you Chinese?" or "Are you from China?"

"Well neat. Did you serve Chinese speaking?" expecting him to be yet another return missionary.
"Nope, I went to Peru."
"Oh."
"I work at Chinatown."
There it was. "Neat."
He then attempted to speak Chinese.
"Sorry, excuse me?"
"Woshimiegoren."
"Oh, ni shi mei guo ren," I said, correcting his tones.
"That's what I said, woshimiegoren."
"OK."
"You should come by Chinatown sometime."
"OK."
"Bye." Then he turned around and walked back the direction we were walking away from.
And there we go. We're probably going to be best friends forever.

The zipper.

I felt good. I felt really good. My job interviewing skills were getting better and better and I think I got this job. This is a dream--PR and secretarial work. No one likes organizing calendars and working with social media more than this girl.

The original shorteralls (overall shorts).

So I went back to my apartment, happy as clam, or mussel, or some short of shellfish (how did this idiom come about?). I shared my excitement with my friends and went on for a couple minutes about the company. I turned around and started heading back to my apartment to change. 

"Eden," Nicolle hesitated. "Has your zipper been down this whole time?"

I thought for a second. Did this skirt have a zipper? No...right?

Nicolle walked up behind me and ziiiiiiiip.

Oh crap. My mind started racing. Where have I been? Who had seen me? How did I miss the zipper? The room was rising in temperature. I remember rushing home from my final to grab Camille's car keys and changing very quickly. I remember fastening the clasps...but I couldn't recall zipping the zipper. My interviewers might have seen. "Eden?" I became unresponsive to my friends. I'm clawing at the recesses of my mind to find a place to hide. I kept thinking. The man was at least a billion feet tall, so maybe not him. The woman seemed exhausted from interviewing all day long. She was seated. She could have witnessed my plaid blue underwear (thank goodness it was appropriate). The man in the back booth of Kneaders. For sure, he saw. All those cars that passed me when I went to Illia's to say goodbye. All five of those cars, abundant with people.

And now my friends. (Oh, how I will miss them.)

As my flashbacks began to dim, I became more conscious of my physical surroundings. Laughter filled my ears, the room was hot and it was hard to breathe. I was so confident in my interview, and one simple mistake, one sign of weakness tore me down.

The silence.

My best friends are the best out of those I have made in my life. They understand my quietness not (solely) as introverted awkwardness (because let's admit it, I am sometimes awkward when I converse), but as just thinking time for me, as time for me to just soak in what is going on around me and to just be with whoever I am with. Other people, even you, may misunderstand this quietness as a barrier between myself and the world, as extreme introverted-ness, or an unwillingness to get to know you. One of my high school Spanish teachers once described me as "nice, but not friendly." I am sorry if I come across to you that way. I promise, I am friendly once you get to know me (and that was high school...wasn't that a weird time for everyone?). And I can't really explain why I am so quiet. I did take a personality test for my class this semester and it said I am an ISFJ, which, I guess, kind of provides an answer to the why. Upon reading more about what psychology had to say about my personality, I came across a segment in the Wikipedia article saying that my "reluctance to open up to strangers can lead others to misread them [ISFJs] as standoffish." I apologize if I ever come off as standoffish. This is not me. So, as my remedy to any misconceptions you may have of me, I decided to periodically post about my thoughts and emotions as a way for you to get to know me without me having to really talk about my thoughts and emotions.

I have always preferred writing to talking about my emotions.

So right now, I am feeling very anxious. The same best friends are leaving for their home, for their internships abroad or for their mission. I am very happy for them, don't get me wrong, and I am excited for this summer. But I am also scared of change. And although I have done many things by myself--I love the quiet of my room, of my apartment, of my world--there are moments when I am alone where I feel troubled and suffocated by the silence. And I am going to be alone soon.

But this will be good for me. And it'll only be for a little while in the grand scheme of things. That's what I keep saying to myself. That's what everyone keeps saying. I just need to stay focused on the good that will come from this and not let my mind go to a dark place. I have a new calling in church, I have neat classes that will keep me busy, I (may) have a job, I have more time to read books and take up new hobbies. I have you. I have future me. I have God.

Dear friends and readers, my closest of friends are leaving so please be patient with me if I seem even more overwhelmingly quiet in a couple weeks.  But I will come out to play soon.

An email from the future.

Monday evening, Eden sat at the table with her books scattered about. She was leaning heavily on her left arm, her hand clutching at the roots of her hair as her other hand restlessly shook her pen against her textbook. Too many characters to memorize before Saturday. 她要會去睡覺。

"This final will be the death of me," she muttered under her breath.

Amidst the mumbling and grumbling, Eden's phone started buzzing, startling her as it disrupted the silence. Apparently, AIM was still alive and well and now allowed texting. It simply stated that she "received a txt from an AOL/AIM user." 

The message?

"Check your junk and spam mail...your first task is waiting." 

Eden started freaking out. What the heck was going on. How did this person get her number and her email? Privacy is dead and pretty soon, she was going to die. That's how it was in the movies, right? Some form of privacy is breached and then the victim dies. She was going to die.

This didn't stop her though. No, not Eden. She delved into her spam folder and found an email from an Eden Wen. Same username, just different service...

One of those days.

Sometimes I think too much about my future, my past, my friends, my family and I get uneasy about everything that is happening all around me.

Today is one of those days.

In these times, I like to surround myself with people to keep myself from feeling alone. And I just listen and listen and listen. If I am alone, I like to surround myself with music to keep my mind in check. And I just listen and listen and listen.

And although today is one of those days, I've surrounded myself with good friends and good music and I'm feeling that in the end, everything's going to be just fine.

I hope you have a good day and enjoy the rooster.

Neverland isn't as special.

Dear Friends,

Today I would like to just let my thoughts wander and chat a little about growing up. This month I am turning 25 (which just so happens to also be my golden birthday), an age that I have forever thought of as the turning point from young adult to adult’s adult. Like responsible adult. Get your own phone plan adult. Be independent adult. I no longer need to talk to my parents every week kind of adult. Well, I think you get the idea. And as I am getting closer to this age, day by day I realize that I am by no means ready to be an adult’s adult. And I think that it’s okay… to a point…to still be contingent on your own childlike tendency’s to depend on your parent’s love.

Last month my Grandpa was admitted to the hospital for a handful of different reasons. Now let me tell you a bit about my Grandpa. He is just so special to me. His birthday is just 3 days before mine and out of the 24 (going on 25) years I have lived on this Earth, we have celebrated our birthdays together 23 times. It is a tradition that I hold dear to my heart as we age together, though separate.

This year he turns 81. And as of right now it looks like he is going to make it to yet another birthday. But while he was in the hospital our family experienced an emotional awakening, something that we have not experienced before. The possible loss of a person we all love so sincerely. Now I am sure that most of you have experiences death in your own families, and yes I have too, but this was a little different, this was the first familiarity of death in regards to someone who has truly changed my life. Through many prayers from myself and others and through the expertise of the doctors who worked with him, he is home resting. But none the less, this was close, and it was a very real emotional drain on my heart.

A little while after he was released to go home, I went to go visit my dad at his house about 40 minutes from where I live. As we were sitting on the couch silently watching some t.v. he says to me, “I know that he is only getting older, and that we have been expecting this for a while, but it still is a strange feeling to know that the man who raised me is going to be leaving soon.”

K-Pop.

This topic has been a long time coming.

Korean Pop. I never understood the appeal, then Gangnam Style came out, garnering almost 1.5 billion views on YouTube and I was like, this is so ridiculous, it's good. And I participated in a spoof myself (I come into focus at 3:06).

It didn't last for me, though. I just wanted to know what they were saying so bad, and I wasn't committed enough to look up everything they were saying. They threw English words and phrases in the midst of their Asian that really didn't make sense...or maybe it does, I don't know. All you non-Korean K-pop lovers, do you really know what they're saying? Or are you just diggin' the beat? Their music videos, yes, are very cute with their coy smiles, their adorable winks, the strategic tracing every so often of their flawless faces, the tilting of their dainty heads...

And of course, when I was Hong Kong over the Christmas break, it turned out that my cousin's son was in love with Girls' Generation. And then, my younger sister revealed that she also loved Girls' Generation. There are nine of them. NINE. I mean, I can't even work with more than four people on a class project without the fear of losing my voice, imagine fighting eight other people to literally have your voice heard.

This reminds me of kittens. A room full of the most adorable kittens in the entire world. Also, Duffy, anyone?

And this...talk about trying to get equal face time. I counted nine, then eleven, then ten. I don't know. So many elements to this song too. Goodness, I can't tell what they want me to think.

Wednesdays.

The fluorescent lights flickered above me as I laid sprawled on the floor. My chest was rising, falling, gasping for air as I thought to myself, My innards are about to rip...I can't go on.

I shut my eyes for a second and I felt my breathing slowly return to normal. An odd rendition of that one "Harlem Shake" song was playing in the background. I was feeling lightheaded and the music began to fade. Was it the end of the song? Or am I losing consciousness?

Suddenly, a voice.

"Alright, if it hurts to go on, go to your happy place."

My happy place? My mind immediately began to trace an image of...of...of the most delicious chocolate cake I have ever seen. I began to taste the gooeyness of the chocolate chip cookies, fresh out the oven. Betty Crocker appeared in my kitchen and handed me a spatula and a bowl of brownie mix. Her eyes twinkled and spoke to me, saying, "Here, eat."

I closed my eyes...the corners of my mouth twitched into a smile. The chocolate was numbing my pain.

"Eden! Did you really just fall asleep?" My eyes flipped open, I lifted my head and looked to the left. My sister, legs propped up on an exercise ball and in a shaky V-position, was staring in disbelief.

"Hold for one more set, ladies!" The voice at the front of the room enveloped the "Harlem Shake."

"3, 2, 1 and alright! You're done!" Sighs of relief filled the room and finally, the Wednesday morning abs class was over. I closed my eyes again.

Betty Crocker reappeared.

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Let's give a round of applause for my first three guest bloggers, Nicolle, Sam and Michelle. Absolutely brilliant. They made this past month incredible with their words. (More guests coming in the near future!)

And now the reason for this blog: my life. I thought school was my biggest obstacle in this past month with the most time-consuming midterm project of my life (honestly...we ended it with an all-nighter that taught me Red Bull causes me to stutter...).